all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
