if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
