When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
