DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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