And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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