I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
