I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm really busy with my period
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