woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
