oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
