I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
