@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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