I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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