The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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