my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
