Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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