just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
