i don't like sucking hair
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
