This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
