Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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