did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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