If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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