My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
