the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
