Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
