When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
