he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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