I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
