I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
