I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
