If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
