WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
