I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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