Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
