I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival