Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.

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  (410): it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job. http://tfl.nu/iasx
  Replies (12) Good night (458) Bad night (3031)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.

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  (479): He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing. http://tfl.nu/ga3r
  Replies (7) Good night (4016) Bad night (1051)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"

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  (215): best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load" http://tfl.nu/n15m
  Replies (20) Good night (4996) Bad night (927)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?

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  (734): THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!? http://tfl.nu/2mg7
  Replies (19) Good night (4453) Bad night (1106)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?

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  (920): Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas? http://tfl.nu/uhrx
  Replies (6) Good night (1078) Bad night (528)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them

  (256): View more from Alabama

  FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT

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  (256): I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship. (1-256): I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them (256): FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT http://tfl.nu/i1rw
  Replies (6) Good night (1529) Bad night (846)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.

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  (708): They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me. http://tfl.nu/8o6m
  Replies (3) Good night (1139) Bad night (337)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"

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  (630): REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl" http://tfl.nu/5hw7
  Replies (13) Good night (2481) Bad night (995)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.

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  (+44): Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is. http://tfl.nu/4j3n
  Replies (5) Good night (2178) Bad night (346)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship

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  (813): I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship http://tfl.nu/ql51
  Replies (6) Good night (820) Bad night (434)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake

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  (815): I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake http://tfl.nu/t4t1
  Replies (4) Good night (993) Bad night (289)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals

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  (570): An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals http://tfl.nu/zqc1
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (231)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."

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  (901): I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking." http://tfl.nu/tuv1
  Replies (3) Good night (484) Bad night (169)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"

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  (250): It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool" http://tfl.nu/hd0u
  Replies (3) Good night (999) Bad night (170)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....

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  (416): Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat.... http://tfl.nu/xy0p
  Replies (4) Good night (171) Bad night (330)

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