How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler