The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes