Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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