FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
