So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
