It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
