y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
