i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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