I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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