I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
