If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
