she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
