Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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