if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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