So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
