i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
me + whiskey = a bad person
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
