i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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