Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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