How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
