so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
