I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
