You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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