just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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