Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
