If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
