You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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