I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
