I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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