He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
