Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
