Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
