i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
