Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
