Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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