You smell like stripper and shame
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
