so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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