Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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