Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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