there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
