i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
