considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
