I wish I could teleport
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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