I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
