I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
try to milk me bitch
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